Back At Your Door
by sandy2x400
Summary: Not everyone gets a second chance. Not everyone's story is able to be rewritten. Smitchie
1. Chapter 1

_This story maybe different from usual, but maybe it's exactly the same. - S_

**Back At Your Door**

**Chapter One**

The church doors are closed when you finally arrive and it takes you another eight minutes to get a parking space in the crowded parking lot. The second you turn off the little blue Mini Cooper you rented at the airport, you have to force yourself to actually get out. There is no downpour or windy rain like there are in most movies, but it seems like there should be. Taking a deep breath, you walk briskly and your heel gets caught in a crack in the ground. You gasp loudly and immediately spread your arms to steady yourself before straightening yourself out. You try to be more careful as to where you step on the uneven pavement and are grateful when you hit the sidewalk again.

That is until you see the closed church doors again. You will have to walk through them and you know the moment you do that every head will be turned towards you. You could potentially ruin the ceremony - not that it is a happy event anyways. Taking another deep breath, you fix your black dress before brushing your dark hair with your fingers quickly. You feel so nervous, especially when the doors make that awful creaking noise you knew they would as you opened it. Just as you suspected, heads turn to look at you as your heels clack on the floor, echoing throughout the place.

You, however, barely pay attention to the whispering people and the disapproving looks, and rather look straight ahead to the person you interrupted. It's his mother. Her eyes meet yours for the longest second of your life and you can see her heart break and lift at the same time. The second she continues speaking, you bow your head and go to the closest pew, sitting down quickly. You try to ignore everyone as they go back to listening, even though more than one person is trying to casually look back to see if it was really _her_. You brush your hair behind your ear, your eyes watering as you stare intensely at a bible that has been left on the pew.

After about ten minutes, you dare yourself to look up. You almost break down when you see the coffins and you have to look away. The person besides you gives you a sympathetic look and puts a hand on your knee comfortingly as you shakily breathe in. Barely even feeling her touch, your blurry eyes look around the room and land on the first row. His mother had long ago sat back down and the priest was back to talking, so you find Denise easily. Her head filled with curly hair is sideways, lying on top of her young grandson. From here, you can see they fit the little three-year-old in a snug looking suit with a white pressed shirt and a tiny bow tie. He looks handsome, her blonde hair spiked up with a bit of gel.

"Oh, my God." You let out in a breathy whisper. The hand on your knee pats it again, and you blink and look at it. Bringing your hands back up, you run your hands harshly through your hair before looking back at the boy. His name is James but everyone calls him Jamie. "He's only three years old." You say, another tear going down your face. You know that your face is probably getting streaks of black mascara but you cannot help the downpour. You cannot even think of what you have lost; Jamie has lost so much more.

He lost both his parents.

"He'll be fine." The sweet elderly lady tells you as she puts her arms around you. Leaning into her touch, your eyes glide over to the person on the other side of the little boy. Another shaky breath. Another bout of tears. This is going to be so hard on that family - that precious little family that is so strong and impenetrable.

You finally just cannot stand looking at this sad church and you just close your eyes tightly, putting your hand over your eyes. You try to retreat to another place - a place where your two best friends are still alive and with their little boy and not driving through a thunderstorm. Unfortunately, the mass ends and kills your fantasy pretty quickly. You are forced to open your eyes again and the bright lights blind you for a few seconds as everyone stands and turns to each other. You feel someone give you a hug and you try to force a smile before remembering you are at a funeral mass and you don't need to.

You quickly get out of the pew and stop at the doors to the church. Everyone is filing out, ready to go to the cemetery to bury your two best friends, and you get jerked around slightly as people push past you. Your eyes are on the Grey family again, watching little Jamie look up to his grandmother confused and Denise smile weakly at him. You finally make yourself look at him and you just sigh. His hair is longer and even from here, you can tell he looks defeated.

Someone bumps into you hard and you gasp as your purse gets knocked out of your hands. The person apologizes but doesn't stop to help you. Sighing and looking at your spilled contents, you bend down to retrieve them, your eyes going back to the family instinctively. Your fingers freeze as they reach your tube of lipstick. You can feel tears rush so quickly to your eyes and you start shaking slightly.

You didn't mean to bring attention to yourself. It was never about that - coming here wasn't about that. But kneeling here in a your favorite black dress he bought you last summer on a whim and with black tears rolling down your face, that's all you brought yourself. Denise gives you a tightlipped smile and Jamie looks at you with even more confusion. Besides him is Jason who stares at you for a second before tears come rushing to his eyes too. He knows they were your best friends too. Jason closes his eyes for a couple seconds before looking away.

And Shane…well, Shane just stares at you.

xxx

"That was quite a scene you made at the church today." You look up, blinking as the sun hits your eyes. The plastic chair you are sitting in digs into the dirt as you put more of your weight on it, hoping to just disappear when you see the blonde that is currently towering over you. "But that's Mitchie Torres, isn't it?" she continues, sitting down next to you.

You don't bother looking at her and rather just stare forward. You watch the people as they come towards the seats without really seeing them. "What do you want Tess?" you say after you realize she's still there. Surprisingly, she sighs and leans away from you.

"I don't know." She whispers, her voice breaking for a second. She frowns and looks to the graves waiting to be filled. You turn to her, your eyes lost, sad, and confused. "I mean, I used to like her. She used to be my best friend back before we started hating each other. And Nate - I mean, Shane was always my quote unquote favorite Connect Three member but…that doesn't mean I didn't think Nate was amazing. His curly hair was adorable." She adds with a small smile before falling silent. "Is it true?" she mutters, kicking her heel against the chair in front of her. You turn to her and she swallows. "About why you and Shane broke up four months ago? Are the rumors true?"

Yes, you want to tell her. But you don't. "Tess, this isn't appropriate right now." You snap lightly before crossing your arms across your chest. She nods, her blonde hair flying in front of her face.

"That must have sucked." Her voice almost gets lost in the wind but you hear her. "To be betrayed that badly by -" you cut her off with a strong glare, the memories coming back so quickly to you. Only her response is to raise an eyebrow as you speak.

"Tess Tyler, please shut up and show your respects. Stop trying to get me for gossip." You scold her, your eyes burning with tears. She moves her head, like if you had just slapped her before blinking and looking away. You breathe in and out before bringing your eyes back to the coffins.

"I wasn't trying to get you for gossip. I was worried about you." she says, her voice a little snide. She clicks her tongue before standing up without giving you another glance. "And for the record, Shane already told me that even happened. You just chose to believe her instead of him even though you guys have been together forever…" she says, scoffing a little

"Oh, so now it's my fault? Claire told me what happened, and she was my friend. Why would she lie? And to be betrayed like that by her? That hurt like hell, but to be betrayed by Shane" you trail off, your eyes flashing with pain. "…this isn't the place, Tess." You repeat, your throat closing up.

Tess stays quiet for a while. "You realize that people make mistakes right? They also lie and make rumors. But…you get a second chance. Nate and Caitlyn? They don't. Their story ended rather forcibly." She says, shaking her head. You close your eyes, wanting to clamp your hands over your ears. "But you and Shane? The only difference is that you ended a chapter, but you can keep the story alive." She whispers, crossing her arms sadly over her chest. Shane and you were always seen as the fairy tale.

But not anymore. He fucked it up. He messed everything up.

"Tess, stop." You argue just as Denise and Jamie arrive. They are a little in front of you, and Tess is standing in the way of them for you to make out how Jamie is doing.

"Fine." She says, shaking her head angrily. "Just remember Nate and Caitlyn don't get to be in love anymore. They're dead." You swallow harshly before giving up. You grab your purse violently, standing up and almost kicking over the chair. You do not want to hear about forgiveness and love and death. You don't want to hear any of this. You just want to wake up from this demented dream. You want to go back to the days that Shane would wake you up at five am just to kiss you and drag you to take a shower with him for no reason whatsoever. You want to go back to the days where if you felt sick to your stomach he would go to Rite Aid in seconds to get you candy and soup, along with putting in _The Breakfast Club_ because he knows it's your favorite. You want to go back to before he slept with one of your friends.

Tess watches as you turn around and walk away from the funeral. You just cannot do this anymore. You should have been here; you shouldn't have run away to Texas. If you were here, maybe they would still be alive. Maybe Caitlyn and Nate would be having dinner right now with their small son. Maybe they would still be here.

But they're not. They're dead.

Your best friends. Two people you have loved for so long are just dead. A sob escapes your lips and tears gather in your eyes again. You unconsciously look around for Shane but you do not see him. You watch the ceremony from afar, as if you were never part of that family. Denise is crying. Caitlyn's parents are not even moving. Everything is such a mess. "I'm sorry." You say into the wind, choking slightly on your words. Right before the ceremony finishes, you turn your back on it and start to go to your car.

"Running away again?" you gasp and turn around as you pass a huge tree. Lying at the base of it is your ex-lover. Your eyes widen as you take in his appearance. His suit is wrinkled and his shirt is pulled open, his tie loose around his neck. His eyes are bright red and the smell of liquor is strong. You open your mouth to respond but the words get lost as tears slip down your face. "Yeah, you are, because Mitchie Torres doesn't know what else to do." You gasp as if someone hit you and you almost fall when you take a step back. Turning around, you don't notice Shane's quick standing up and you freeze when his fingers curl around your wrist tightly. "What the fuck are you doing here?" his voice is low and dark as he twirls you around.

Your eyes widen in fear for a second and you immediately look over to the ceremony. When you are sure no one is looking at the two of you, you turn back to the intense boy in front of you. You wince and don't meet his eyes. "They're…were my best friends." You spit out, your throat rough. You have never seen him like this, but then again, he isn't who you thought he was.

He laughs mirthlessly, his sad, bitter eyes filling with tears. "Oh yeah? Was Caitlyn your best friend? I can't remember. Memories of her begging for you to stay and for you to believe me just cloud my mind. Plus, you and Nate always made such a point to get along." He says sarcastically and you close your eyes tightly. You don't want to think of the fights and tears you had before you left.

"Shane, I cannot do this right now." You cop out, your voice grainy. He growls slightly under his breath and takes a step forward. The green in his eyes are even more apparent because of the anger he holds in them. You bite your lip harshly; why is he angry? He doesn't deserve to be angry with you. He is the one who cheated on you!

"Sorry, we'll talk about this next time one of my brothers is interred into the ground." He snaps, tears finally falling. You swallow harshly, crossing your arms weakly. Your eyes soften when you see the wetness on his cheeks, and you almost want to hug him. The feelings in you are so conflicting.

"What do you want from me, Shane?"

He laughs again. "I want you to admit you're a selfish bitch who runs away all the time. I want you to admit that you were wrong in pushing me - us - away because of some fame whore who was trying to get attention, and I want you to admit that you shouldn't have left me and you should have at least listened to me before you run crying to your mommy." He yells, his voice starting to echo. You notice subconsciously people are starting to get up and the ceremony is done, but you focus more on him.

"You cheated on me!" you scream back, your eyes so blurry. You try to wipe them away furiously. You feel like he is repeatedly hitting you for something you haven't done. You don't even want to see his face again.

"I didn't cheat on you!" He argues, throwing his arms up. "Some fucking girl tells you differently and you believe her? I don't know if you know this Mitchie, but we've been together since we were eighteen and twenty years old. Five fucking years, Mitchie. How the fuck could you believe someone over me?" He gets closer to you, his voice definitely echoing throughout the place. His eyes are dark and cloudy.

You sigh raggedly, your eyes falling to the floor. "Because why wouldn't you sleep with her? She is so much better than me." You whisper, running a hand through your dark hair. Shane growls somewhat again, his eyes burning with tears as he struggles to keep it together. His hand grabs your dress, pulling at the fabric to keep you close when you take a step back. He opens his mouth but he gets cut off.

"Stop it." You and Shane spring apart, and you gasp softly under your breath when you see the distraught eyes of Mrs. Grey. "Please. I don't need this right now." She looks so heartbroken that you look down ashamed. Shane squeezes your hip but lets you go, tears running freely down his face. You hate that his touch still makes you shiver and you try to hide it by wrapping your arms tightly around yourself.

He makes you feel so guilty for leaving.

It's not fair.

"Now, can the two of you be civil enough to come with me to the opening of the will?" Denise continues, not waiting for a response before walking ahead. Her heels clack on the sidewalk as she strongly holds herself together. You frown and run to catch up with her, leaving Shane behind. He sighs raggedly and he shakes his head roughly.

"Why won't you just believe me?" he mutters defeated, sniffing loudly. Denise turns around and gives him a look, and you freeze. _Stop it,_ you mouth to him but he is too emotional. He runs his hands roughly through his hair. "No, damn it! I wouldn't fucking lie to you. Can you just believe me, please?" His voice cracks and Ms. Grey puts a hand on his arm.

"Relax, and let it go. Right now, we have bigger problems." She swallows down a new batch of tears and turns back around. Shane frowns but doesn't say anything. You shuffle awkwardly before stopping.

"I think I should go. I just wanted to give you a hug before I left to Dallas again, and to tell you if you ever need help Jamie, I'll be there in a second." You tell her, putting your hand softly on Ms. Grey's shoulder. She presses her lips together before pulling you into a strong hug. You can hear the deep gasp of air she takes that is filled with tears and stress. You try to hold her tighter but she pulls away. She has always been like a second mother to you; you love her like one anyways.

"Thank you, honey." She mutters, patting your back. A single tear falls from her face when she takes a step back. Suddenly, she is leaning in again to whisper in your ear. "I love you like you were my own, but I trust my son with all my heart. Give him a chance. He has been miserable and now with Nate and Caitlyn's deaths…please." You freeze and look away when she clears her throat.

Images of Shane, Claire, and the magazine articles come rushing to your mind. The tears, the begging, the finding, the screams. The betrayal. The anger. The pain.

"But you still have to go back with us. You were named on the will." You blink at her and Shane's eyes widen.

"Oh." You mutter, and try to ignore Shane. The stare he gives you is mixed with emotions - from anger to desperation to sadness. You flinch when you meet his eyes and wrap your arms around you. You have to be strong. Your mother was cheated on by your father so many times, and she always believed his lies. You will not do the same.

But it hurts. You trusted him so much. You put all your faith, all your love, all your hope into him. You told him all your secrets, shared all doubts and faults. You told him so much, and he betrayed you. Nothing hurts more than that, except maybe the fact that you still love him. You just wish it never happened because he took all that faith and love and hope and twisted it into absolutely nothing.

"For what?" Shane's voice is harsh and a shiver goes through your body.

Denise freezes and looks at the two of you with sadness in her eyes. "You two love each other so much. Don't let a misunderstanding - or a mistake - keep you apart." She starts out with. Your eyes flash with anger and you press your lips together. She notices and gives you a soft glance. "You will need to work together." She continues and Shane raises an eyebrow confused. She sighs. "You two are Jamie's Godparents. You will have custody of him. Together."

**XXX**

**Ahh! So this is my new story. I don't know if it is long awaited for you guys, but it definitely is for me. I missed posting and reading your reviews and being awesome together :D I have a new crew, a new attitude and a new life. So I really hope you liked this. It is sadder than usual, but maybe that's the point.**

**Tell me your thoughts. I would love to hear them! Let me know if you guys want me to continue with this. I'll upload the next chapter at 20 reviews? Is that fair? **

**Send me a PM if you want as well.**

**Love ya!**

**Also I have a new blog - just for me - where I speak of my life. It is found at the link on my profile.**

**Sandy **

**PS - I really hope you like this story. It will be a little rough and will most likely be rated M quite soon. Maybe chapter 2 or 3. **


	2. Chapter 2

"_Oh, beware to take care of yourself or you'll lack the strength to help somebody else." God Bless the Child - Michelle Featherstone_

_

* * *

_**Back At Your Door**

**Chapter Two**

The tension is horrible in the tiny room. So horrible. Everyone looks like they are about to either explode or break down. No one wants to even breathe just in case the world collapses. It does not help that Shane will not take his eyes off you. The tears in the hazel orbs and the ones running down his face makes you want to leave this room and never come back. "Nathaniel and Caitlyn Grey wrote a will about a year ago. They leave all their money to their son, James, for when he turns of age at 18. To Mr. Grey's parents, he leaves the home in the Bahamas, while to Michelle Torres and Shane Grey they leave the house here in California as well as custody of their son James Jerry Grey. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are left the house in New Jersey. Mr. Jason Grey is left with…" The lawyer continues to talk but you long ago stopped listening.

Do they really expect you to take care of a child? With a man you left? You rub your sweaty palms together before sneaking a peak at Shane. The moment your eyes connect, your heart drops all the way down. It's like you cannot breathe. His eyes are so green and beautiful and destroyed. A shot of pain runs through you as you think of the betrayal, of the good times, of the love between you. Of how quickly it left - or at least, how quickly you did. He tightens his fists and he looks ready to pull you to him. You can read his face like a map; he wants to scream at you in pain and anguish.

Tearing your eyes away from him before you started to cry hysterically, you focus on the older man, handing out deeds and papers to everyone. You look down to the floor, feeling suffocated and you run a hand through your hair, messing it up even more. You must look the image of beauty: from your crazy hair to your blacken cheeks to the scratches you are leaving on your wrists. "Oh, my God." You let out in a breathy whisper.

You and Shane are the last two to go to the old lawyer to receive the papers and he looks at you expectedly. The rest of the family is crying and holding each other. You feel like you do not belong anywhere, much less here with this family. "Excuse me? Miss Torres? Mr. Grey?" The man calls you over.

You don't even want to be in the same room as Shane. The silence, the eventual screams, everything is haunting. It's going to drive you crazy. Trying your best not to fall over your own two feet, you walk slowly to the man. Shane's eyes stay on you before doing the same. You freeze when you feel him come close to you and you breathe in sharply. The lawyer just thinks you are grieving. "This has to be a mistake." You blurt out, your voice cracking. The older man's eyes widen and he shakes his head softly. He has a small frown, looking at you sympathetically as he handles the papers. You look at them before shaking your head. "I can't…How am I…?" you start and Shane takes a deep breath.

He leans forward, grabbing the papers. "Sir… Did the will say why they wanted us to…I mean, I know we're the kid's godparents, but we're…" he trails off before scoffing. "I don't know if we can do this." He says, his voice bitter. "Both parties would have to be able to _stay_ and be mature." His voice is harsh, angry and attacking. You swallow hard and look at him incredulously. The moment you do, Shane lets his anger get the best of him. His hand shoots out and grabs your arm roughly, pulling you to him. You gasp as you fall into his warm embrace. His smell is just like you left it, except now tinged with alcohol. "I need to talk to her for a second. We'll be right back." He says between gritted teeth. The lawyer blinks but does not say anything else.

"Shane." His mother says, her voice sad. "Please."

But he ignores her.

He ignores everyone and practically drags you out into the hallway. Your back hits the wall when he lets go of you, turning around as he digs his hands violently through his hair. "Shane…" you spit out, your throat hurting suddenly. He starts to laugh, tears running down his face again.

"Five years Mitchie." He whispers very lightly. You close your eyes. He cheated on you. Why is he so mad? He growls hard under his breath and throws his hands up in the air. You look down to the floor before breathing out slowly. Your legs give out and you slide down, until your face is buried in your knees. "Jesus." He mutters, coming to you. He stands right in front of you, not knowing what to do. "You left me. You just got up and left. Didn't even say goodbye. Didn't I merit a goodbye, Mitchie? I mean, Jesus, I know you have this insane notion that I was sleeping with that bitch, but five fucking years!" he yells as you push your head up with your arm.

"Shane." You say hoarsely. You want to tell him to stop yelling, to realize that he did this, but he doesn't let you finish. He grabs your hand roughly. You gasp when his familiar fingers hold your palm, and you shiver when his glare leaves him. Suddenly, he looks like a lost puppy. He looks broken.

"You took off the ring." He closes his eyes and lets your hand go. You limply put it down, swallowing harshly. His eyes fill with sad tears and suddenly, he is sliding down beside you. Your knees touch when he gets to the ground. "Oh, God." He says, his voice breaking. "This isn't fair. I didn't do anything." He starts to cry.

You take a deep breath, shaky and broken, just as Mrs. Grey comes out. She looks at the two of you on the floor and her heart breaks. "Guys, please." Is all she starts out with. You stand up rather awkwardly, putting your hands on the wall behind you as leverage. Your sweaty palms slip and you almost fall, especially when one of your heels twists to the side. Swallowing hard, you steady yourself.

"Mrs. Grey, I can't do it. I don't want to be near Shane." You tell her not totally telling the truth, but you do not know what else to do.

Anger explodes in Shane again. "You don't want to be near me?" he yells, standing up a lot more fluidly than you did. His hands immediately go to your waist, trying to pull you close to him. You try to fight him as his fingers claw into you. "I fucking love you so much." He leans in so close to your ear, so you are the only one that hears. You try to push him away, turning your head to look Mrs. Grey in the eyes. "I want my whole life with you. Don't you fucking understand that? Why won't you listen to me!" he continues, following you as you move away.

"Shane, for the love of God." Denise screams, her cheeks rosy.

"No!" Shane's voice echoes in the hallway and the smack of his hand, as it hits the wall beside you, vibrates loudly. "This isn't fair!" he screams just as loud. He takes a step back, looking defeated as his back hits the wall. "This isn't fair." He lets out in a whisper, a cry in his voice. Denise closes her eyes, tears running down her face quickly.

"And it's fair to me?" she yells at him, almost buckling under the pressure the world has on her right now. "I cannot take care of a three year old child. I just lost my own baby, so please for the love of God, I need you to take care of Jamie. I'm asking for six months from the two of you, and if you still hate each other or whatever is going on continues then I'll take him off your hands." She says in the same teary, stern voice. Shane digs his hands through his hair and you wrap your arms around yourself silently. Denise sighs softly. "The two of you were trying to have a child just four, five, six months ago. If you honestly thought back then that you could have a child without life throwing you a curveball, then you were so wrong. It happens. People make mistakes. Fights happen. But the child shouldn't get hurt. Be mature about this, please. James is only three years old and he just lost his parents." You flinch, looking away abruptly at the memories.

"_Stop it." you laughed, pushing his fingers away. Or at least, you tried to push them away. He persistently tickled you, giggling along with you as you try to get the remote he so desperately wanted to keep away from you. "Give it back, jerk." You tried to lift yourself so that you could get leverage. Surprising him, you flipped you two over so you are on top. "Ha!" you said with triumph before bursting out in laughter when his fingers still find your sides._

"_You're not getting it! So…" he blew a raspberry before giving you a warm smile. He stopped tickling you for a second, but before you could react and take the remote away, he sits up. You gasped softly, tucking your legs around his hip and weaving your hands through his hair. He gave you another grin - sweet and loving - before leaning in and kissing you. _

_It surprised you that after five years you could still feel a swift fire go throughout your entire body. You moaned hard that day as he held your close, never letting you get too far. "I love you." you whisper softly, hugging him hard. He kisses the side of your head before taking a deep breath. "What are you thinking?" you asks, still out of breath from the tickle fight._

"_Nothing." He shakes his head before poking your side. "So what did you do today?" he asks, brushing your hair out of your face._

"_Well, Caitlyn and me and Claire…Did I tell you about Claire? The girl that just moved in next to Caitlyn's? Well, she's awesome. We're becoming like best friends. You _have_ to meet her." You said with a shake of his shoulder. Shane laughed and rolled his eyes, before nodding. He came closer and kissed your collarbone. "Well, anyways, we went to this place to get some clothing for Claire's baby cousin. Oh, my God, Shane…she is so adorable. Like…" you made a noise under your breath, your eyes lighting up._

_He smiled. "Oh yeah?" he asks, his voice soft. You nod before leaning your head in the nook of his neck. He threads his finger down your back slowly, making you shiver. "I think we should have kids." He confessed and you froze. You could not help the huge smile that goes on your face and you could not stop yourself from picturing the little girl you met the day before over and over again in your mind. _

"_Really?" you asked vaguely, trying not to put so much emotion in it._

_He saw right through you. "Really."_

When you get back inside the room, the lawyer looks at both of you critically. You know at the moment Shane and yourself probably made the worse impression, but you're hoping the lawyer just chucks it up to best friends/brother/sister-in-law dying. You take a deep breath. What Denise said hits you hard. It isn't that you still want children with Shane…Well, maybe you do…

No, you don't.

Shane has done nothing but harm you and try to manipulate you. You don't know why he is trying to keep up this façade that he didn't cheat on you; you wish he would just admit it instead of making you look like the villain each time. You don't think you can keep crying. "Six months." You mumble under your breath reassuringly. Denise is right; the boy lost so much, the least you can do is take care of him - especially when you voluntarily signed up for the job a year ago. "Okay. Where do I have to sign?" you finally say, choking somewhat on the words.

xxx

Jamie is asleep when you finally have everything settled with the lawyer.

You technically haven't seen him in almost two months. It may seem strange, but you are convinced he has grown. You very lightly glide your fingers over his soft blonde hair before bringing them to his still-wet cheeks. You feel your heart break for the kid as he wakes up a little. You want to pick him up but you don't think you should. Caitlyn hated when other people picked him up: from Nate to Shane to you. She was so uncomfortable with it. "Hey, buddy. Wake up." You clear your throat hesitantly. The little boy stirs further and opens his light brown eyes. You almost break down again; he really is Nate and Caitlyn's child. From the curly locks to the soft freckles to the innocence in his eyes, Jamie was totally their child.

And now, he is alone. "Oh God." You let out breathily, feeling completely overwhelmed. You put a hand to your forehead to quell the throbbing headache you have had for the past hour or so. "What's wrong, Aunt Emmy?" his voice is almost angelic and it makes you jump. He looks confused and sad as he looks up at you with those big, wide doe eyes.

"Nothing, buddy. It's just way past your bedtime." You try to smile, put your hand on his head again. He nods and steps down from the bench he was lying on. He stares at your hand for a second before taking it.

"Where have you been? Mama said you were in pain, but that it was a bigger pain that when I fell in Bobby's yard and cut my knee. I still have the scar." He says, lifting his leg slightly before looking up again. You take a deep breath, but you have no idea what to tell him.

"I was…" you trail off.

"She was home, Jamester. She went home to her parents for a while." You look up, your hand feeling clammy in Jamie's small one. You and Shane make eye contact, and for a less than half a minute, you can only look at one another. The air is tense and electrifying; honestly, you're just exhausted. You don't want to yell anymore. "She wanted her mommy and daddy." He's trying to hurt you, but what he doesn't realize is that he is hurting Jamie as well.

Jamie frowns, his eyes confused. "You mean, if you want them, you can find them? Because I really want Mama and Daddy. Can I find them too? Can I go home too?" he is desperate, looking so mystified and almost hopeful. "I want to see them again, Uncle Shay. Really, really, really, really badly!" A tear falls softly down his face and you shoot Shane a distraught look as his eyes widen. You reach down and wipe the little boy's cheek, basically going on your knees to get on his level. He looks you straight in the eyes. "Will I be able to see them again?" his tone breaks your heart even further.

You push back his curly hair softly so that it isn't in his face. "One day, honey." You choke out, not sure what you're supposed to say. Caitlyn was so religious. She went to church every Sunday with Nate and Jamie. She read the Bible to him and taught him how to pray. You, on the hand, haven't been to church in forever…Today's mass was the first in a long time. "She's in heaven. So is he." You swallow, looking at Shane desperately. He is just staring at Jamie. You turn back to the little boy. "Come on, honey. Let's go to my motel room. There's a bouncy bed and a Jacuzzi." You poke his side but he doesn't even crack a smile.

Jamie shakes his head. "I want my bed." He frowns. "Why can't I go there?" he asks, scrunching up his freckled nose. You take a deep breath in and open your mouth, but do not say anything.

"You can, buddy." Shane's voice is softer and definitely tenderer. He goes forward and picks Jamie into his arms, and you wince. Caitlyn would hate that. But the little boy holds onto Shane tightly, his little hands balling up into fists. You stand back up, looking down to your shoes. You don't want to disturb Caitlyn and Nate's place. It was _their_ place. "But for now, why don't we go to my house. It's one floor so you can run all you want and, maybe I could let you play on my Playstation." Shane squeezes Jamie's sides and the little boy stays quiet.

"Can I play on the Wii too?" he asks in a small voice. Shane kisses the side of his head.

"Of course, buddy." He whispers, rubbing his back soothingly. You bite your lip and shove your hands in your pockets.

"What about Aunt Emmy? Is she still in pain or can she come play with us? I want her to be on my team. She knows how to shoot better than Cindy from school does." Shane turns to look at you, his eyes changing from gentle to angry hurt in seconds. You press your lips together. "I want her to come, Uncle Shay." Jamie repeats, clinging tighter to Shane's frame.

You clear your throat. "Of course, honey. Just for tonight…" you mumble the last bit when Jamie gives the smallest smile. "Are you tired? I'm so exhausted." You tell Jamie, rubbing his back like Shane was doing. Jamie nods his head and puts his head in the nook of Shane's neck.

"Me too." Shane says, giving you a look. There's so much that needs to be said, it's ridiculous. But you don't want to talk to him. You wish you didn't have to. He hurt you so much; how does he expect you to behave around him? Does he think you'll greet him with open arms?

The two of you silently, tensely, walk to Shane's car - a car you used to share with him: a small little Honda - and pause as he puts Jamie in the backseat. He is already dozing off when his little head hits the leather. You clap your hands together lightly before taking a step back. "So, I'll meet you there." You say awkwardly. You really do not want to go. "I need to grab some clothes from the motel anyways." You add to show you weren't going to take off.

Shane scoffs lightly. "Honey, we're going to the place that up to two months ago called your home. You left a lot of stuff, Mitchie." He reminds you, a bitter edge to his voice.

You don't move. "Right." Is all you say. He sighs as he closes the door. "Okay, well, I'll follow you then. See you in a bit." You turn around and immediately see your rented bright blue Mini Cooper sitting just a little off. You walk without turning around and get into your car quickly. You put in the key into the ignition and as soon as you see Shane has left the parking lot, you cannot help it.

You completely break down. You scream and you hit the steering wheel and you wonder why the fuck did Caitlyn and Nate have to die and how the fuck did Nate lose control of the car and why is this happening to you. Big tears fall down your face as you bury your head in your hands.

Your best friends.

"_Mitch, what are you doing?" his voice is steady -almost calm - but you knew he was interested. You smile at Nate. _

"_Oh, you know. Buying your wife an awesome birthday present. Did you get her anything yet?" you sing, bobbing your head happily. Nate laughs and shrugs his shoulder before falling into the chair besides you. He lightly points to something on the computer screen. "Ohhh, she'll like that." You nod approvingly. _

_Nate smirked. "She is my wife, you know." _

"_Ha!" you say simply. "If I know Caitlyn, and I know Caitlyn, then she totally sent the same email to both of us telling us what site to go to and what exactly she wants. That girl doesn't believe in fate bringing her anything. She likes taking things in her own hands." You roll your eyes and Nate smiles widely._

"_You know whatever…that's just my Caity."_

When you arrive at your home - or Shane's little ranch house or whatever - you have managed to hide most of the puffiness with more makeup. You pause at the door; you don't know whether to ring the doorbell or just enter with the key you still have. You bravely try the doorknob, wondering if Shane just left it open for you, and you sigh in relief when it opens. "Aunt Emmy." Jamie calls from inside. He doesn't say it with enthusiasm but at least he isn't crying.

"Hey, baby. Shouldn't you be in bed?" you say, closing the door behind you. You notice Shane walk out of the kitchen and lean against the doorway. He looks at you with a sad glance.

"I'm waiting for Mama to tuck me in. She does it every night." He says, looking up at you with innocent eyes. You freeze, just staring at him, before looking at Shane. There are tears in his eyes but he doesn't say anything either. You bend down again to look him in the eyes.

"Honey, I told you. They're in heaven."

Jamie frowns deeply. "Mama's never not tucked me in." he chirps, confused. Shane sighs and grabs his hand gently. "No!" Jamie yells, his eyes wide as he yanks his hand away. "I want Mama!" he screams. You close your eyes tightly, wishing this was all a dream. "I don't care if I never sleep again. I want Mama." He says stubbornly, tears in his eyes.

Shane sighs sadly, hitting his head against the wall. "Okay, buddy. But you'll get tired eventually." Shane reminds him before walking towards the kitchen again. You quickly follow him, noticing Shane has his face in his hands.

"We can't just leave him in the living room." You tell him, your voice a little high.

Shane looks at you, emotionally drained. "I know, but I don't know what to do. Mitchie, I really do not know what to do, and I just…I want you to listen to me. To realize the mistake you made." His voice progressively got stronger. "Please, for the love of everything…for all the love we have between us, just listen to me." He halfway begs.

"Shane, I can't…not tonight." You whisper softly.

He throws up his hands angrily. "Then when, Mitchie? Are you ever gonna listen to my side of the story? Because right now, it doesn't seem like you have ever loved me!" he accuses and your eyes light up furiously.

"I loved you, you ass. I still do with all my heart. You're the one who _fucked_ her." You spit out, trying to keep your voice down. Shane laughs sarcastically.

"Oh, right. Was the between me taking you on this damn table…" he motions to the kitchen table in the middle of the room. "Or when I was _fucking_ you against our bedroom wall or when you were begging me to join you for a shower!" he got closer with every word and you look at him appalled.

"You're disgusting." You snap at him, angry tears forming. Shane doesn't say anything; he just grabs your wrist and pulls you to him. "Don't." you say sharply as he pushes you against the wall. "Shane!" you struggle against his grip as he presses his chest against yours. He holds you tightly, trapping you.

"Do you know that she got paid about one million dollars to break the story to People?" he tells you, his voice harsh. His eyes stare straight into yours. "Did you know that she basically told me to my face that she just wanted to get the money and didn't even care about you? She never cared, Mitchie. She never gave a fucking damn. I did!" he yells, pushing you against the wall harder.

You wince when your back hits it, and you are reminded of the many memories of him doing this to you sans clothes. "I don't believe you." you whisper and his eyes light up with anger. Before he can say a word, you interrupt him. "Why wouldn't you, Shane? Why wouldn't you sleep with her? Okay, maybe she did it for the money, but why wouldn't let her seduce you? Have you seen her? She's gorgeous."

Shane laughs mirthlessly, shaking his head. "Oh, Mitchie." He whispers sadly. His hands let go off your wrists and drop to your waist. He doesn't let you go though. "Are you serious?"

Tears fall down your face. "She could give you more than I could. Her legs are longer and she's more experienced and she could…" you trail off, the real reason getting stuck in your throat. Shane catches it though and his eyes widen, before his face falls. He closes his eyes sadly.

"She could give me a kid?" he finishes for you. A figurative knife goes through your heart and you close your eyes tightly. "Is that what this is about? About the fact that you can't…" he asks and more tears fall down your face. For a second, he just holds you but then he backs away completely.

When you open your eyes again, he is gone.

**XXX**

**Wow, guys. Thank you so much for your support. It is unreal and I'm so thankful for it.**

**I don't know if you know this, but I have responded to all your reviews at my blog. The link is up on my profile. I'm also giving sneak peaks and answering any questions. I want this to be so much more interactive. I would love to hear from all of you. I'll put the links to all the review responses on my last entry, so you do not have to dig through.**

**Also...I was thinking. I know a lot of you were against me going to JBFA to write a Joe/OC...but if it was on my site/blog? Would you read and comment? They would probably be long one shots (like 15,000 words long so they will take a while to go up) but they will not be chapters unless its like sequels or whatever. Tell me your thoughts!**

**Also, tell me what you thought of this chapter: what does the ring mean? What kind of ring is it? Did Jamie make you cry? Do you like Shane? Mitchie? **

**Thanks so much! **

**I love you guys **

**Sandy**

**NEXT CHAPTER 50ISH  
**


	3. Chapter 3

"_If I could I would do all of this again…travel back in time with you to where this all began__. __We could hide inside ourselves and leave the world behind__and make believe there's something left to find." Miles Apart - Yellowcard_

**Back At Your Door**

**Chapter Three**

You wanted to sleep in the guest room, and actually assumed you would, but apparently that is where Shane has been sleeping since you left. Your eyes lightly look at the rumpled sheets and the thrown pillows, before leaning against the door. You had finally got Jamie to sleep on the couch, but you know you will eventually have to go back to Caitlyn and Nate's house to tuck him in a real bed. "Do you want to sleep here?" Shane comes up behind you. You jump and meet his eyes. "Sorry." He mutters, going passed you to take his watch from the night table. He frowns. "I didn't even put it on this morning." He mumbles, snapping the leather against his wrist.

He closes his eyes and just stands there. "I can sleep on the couch and we can put Jamie in the…main bedroom." You offer awkwardly, but Shane doesn't answer. He is staring at the watch intensely - or rather, as if he is in a different place. His eyes are gone. His breathing is labored and he looks to be in pain. "Shane?" you say, concern in your voice. "Shane!" You go over to him, putting a hand on his back. "Are you okay?" you try to get him to snap out of it, shaking his shoulder lightly.

He blinks, his eyes widening at you. "Y-yeah, I'm fine." He stutters. He swallows harshly. "Yo-you can sleep here. I'll sleep over there. Just…" he trails off, before putting a hand to his head. He winces in pain, as you assume memories attack him. You gasp sharply and immediately bring your arms forward to catch him. "Fuck." He whispers, running the hand through his hair.

"What's going on?" you ask lightly, pushing his curly hair back. He stands up straighter, leaning against you. His eyes are bright when they look at you and suddenly, his face softens.

"Come here." He says gently. You immediately take a step back, looking at his with sad eyes. His face flashes with pain for a moment before he just takes a step back as well. He swallows harshly. "You know…it was never about that. I love you in spite of that." He doesn't clarify what _that_ is, but you know. You press your lips together. "Have a good night, Mitchie." Shane shakes his head before going out of the room.

The sound of the door closing sends tears to your eyes again. This day has been so fucking emotionally tiring. You just want to scream. Swallowing, you take a deep breath before stripping from the black dress you have worn all day. You reach into the drawers absentmindedly, almost slamming them open. You find most of his clothes and you hesitate before taking a shirt.

The fabric is cold on your naked skin and you go quickly to the unmade bed. His smell is so obvious in between the sheets, and the second your face hits the pillow, you almost break down again.

Why did he have to cheat on you?

You were so perfect.

xxx

You hardly get any sleep, but you get up at seven in the morning anyways because of the noise coming from outside your door. Taking a pair of Shane's sweatpants from the dresser, you quietly exit the room. "No! I want grapes and apples!" Jamie's giggle echoes in the small house. You wrap your arms around yourself as you enter the kitchen. "Hey, Aunt Emmy." The little boy calls out as soon as he sees you. You give him a confused smile as he kicks his small legs. He is perched on the kitchen counter, with Shane right in front of him in case he falls.

Your eyes widen slightly when you see Shane. Clad in only a small black tank top, his muscular arms are visible. He still hasn't looked up from cutting up the fruit, but the second he does, you wish you could disappear. His eyes are so pretty; they have always been a weakness for you. You watch wordlessly as he gives you the once over, immediately noticing you are wearing his clothes. A flash of pain goes through his eyes and he looks back down. You press your lips together. "I didn't have any other clothes. I didn't want to disturb you and ask where they were." You answer, rubbing your arm.

"Aunt Em! We're cutting fruit. You want some?" Jamie asks, holding up a slice of an apple. You give him a smile and go closer to the boys in order to kiss Jamie's forehead.

"Sure, love." You answer, opening your mouth slightly for the little boy to feed you. He giggles and shoves it gently in your mouth. "You look better." You mutter, not even to him. He just smiles before biting into the fruit again. "Anything I can do to help?" you ask Shane, your voice a little more serious. He pauses before nodding.

"Yeah." He mumbles, looking up with _those_ eyes again. You take a deep breath and go behind the counter. "Help me cut the pears." You nod before making a face at Jamie's face. The little boy scrunched up his nose. "James doesn't like pears." Shane informs you, as Jamie shakes his head no. "But I do, so we're cutting them anyways." Shane teases, raising his hand to flick Jamie's nose. Jamie sticks his tongue out and goes back to eating his apple. "Hey, buddy, why don't you get ready for breakfast and wash your hands? Did you brush your teeth yet?" Shane says, letting go of his knife to pick Jamie up.

"No." the little boy scrunches his nose again before sighing. "But fine." Shane puts him down, wincing slightly, and the boy runs off. You take a knife out of the cupboard and awkwardly start cutting into the apples. Shane clears his throat and you look at him. Biting his lip, he shrugs. You nod.

"I didn't even think of brushing his teeth or hair or…" you trail off, your voice a little rough. Shane shrugs again.

"That's okay." He mumbles, going behind you to grab some oranges. You freeze when his chest rubs against your back. At the same moment, you raised your arm to cut another slice, shifting the shirt so that it falls down your shoulder. Shane takes a deep breath as your collarbone and shoulder are visible, and a deep shiver goes through you as the warm air hits your skin. He tenses and doesn't even realize he is leaning forward, until he jerks his hand forward violently onto the kitchen counter to stop himself from ramming into you. you jump backwards, surprised at his sudden movement.

His hand goes to your waist, squeezing you and his shirt roughly. You gasp as he nuzzles his nose on the back of your neck, lightly pressing his lips onto your skin. "Sh-hane…" you say shakily, closing your eyes tightly.

"God, you smell amazing." He digs his face into your hair before nipping at your ear. "I've missed you so much." He confesses, his tongue poking out and licking your earlobe softly. At that same moment, Jamie walks back in.

"Finished!" he announces and both you and Shane jump. You immediately push away from Shane, smiling frantically at Jamie and putting as much space between you and your ex-lover as possible. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, before painfully focusing on the little boy again. "You haven't started on the oranges yet?" he asks with a confused look.

Shane clears his throat. "Sorry, buddy. I'll get on that right now." His voice is hoarse but he grabs the fruit. You wrap your arms around yourself before running a hand through your hair. You shiver when your fingers hit the damp spot on your ear Shane has left, and you chide yourself for letting him take control of you like that.

"We're just having fruit?" you ask, clearing your throat as well. Jamie frowns and looks at you confused. Shane shoots you a panicked look and slices his hand in front of his throat to shut you up. You freeze. "Fruit sounds amazing on second thought." You say quickly and Jamie looks away from you.

He bites his lip and sits down on the floor. "Momma didn't like pears either." Is all he says before shrugging his shoulders. "But Daddy does." He whispers before pulling his knees up. You close your eyes, disappointed in yourself and Shane bites his lip. You scurry over to Jamie, kneeling besides him. You hug him close to your chest.

"Your parents were right. A growing boy like you should eat as much fruit as possible. Come on, sweetie. We'll help Shane set the table." You tickle his sides, trying to make him smile. The little boy nods and dolefully stands up and goes to the placemats that are on the counter. He stands on his tippy toes to grab them as you look apologetically at Shane, but he has gone back to cutting the fruit.

xxx

"So Ms. Teresa is going to wonder where I am. Grandma told her I would be back today." Jamie tells you, entering your room hesitantly. You lower your eyebrows confused at him as you fold up the sweatpants you had on before you found some of your clothes. "Ms. Teresa? She's great. She's pretty." He provides as you tap your bed and he walks over to sit on it. You still give him the same confused look.

"Ms. Teresa?"

Jamie frowns. "My pre-K teacher. She's pretty." He repeats with a smile.

Your smile drops and your eyes widen. For a second, you don't know whether to freak out in front of him or call for Shane. You grab the remote quickly and turn on the TV to some random kids show. "Watch Spongebob. I'll be right back." You pat his head before going pretty quickly to Shane's bedroom…

Your old bedroom.

You pause at the closed door, your closed fist frozen. You take a deep breath and knock. "Jamie?" Shane sounds concerned and slightly puzzled. He knows Jamie could not knock that loudly or that high up. You bravely turn the knob just as Shane got off the bed, putting down a book he was leafing through.

And the memories come back to you in waves.

"_Hey, come with me to Cait and Nate's? I want to give Jamie his Easter present." You wave over to Shane. He looked up from the book he was reading and shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly. He slipped off his glasses, putting them on top of the now discarded book on the night table. He gets off the bed, stretching his arms over his head._

_You giggled. "Tired?" you said suggestively, running a hand down his chest. He bites his lip and his eyes darken a bit. "We could try again tonight." You whisper seductively, going closer to him to bite his lower lip. He moans as your teeth dig into his tender skin and he squeezes your waist. _

"_Oh, yeah?" he muttered hoarsely, capturing your lip into his. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he pushed you against the wall. "How about we try right now?" he grounded his hips into yours, tugging on your lower lip a little roughly. You leaned into his touch and smiled at him._

"_It's Easter. We're supposed to abstain." You scolded him teasingly. He rolled his eyes and kisses you again. "Okay, but we cannot take too long. I want to get this to Jamie. Plus, me and Cait are gonna meet up with Claire. Hey! Why don't you and Nate join us for a night of pizza? I bet the girls wouldn't mind." You asked with a wide smile._

_Shane rolled his eyes again, nodding just to shut you up. "I kinda want to do something here." He reminded you before bringing his large hands to your backside and lifting you up. You immediately wrapped your legs around his hips and allowed him to kiss you fully on your lips. "God, you taste so good." He moans into your mouth._

"Mitchie?" Shane raises an eyebrow. You snap out of it, looking at him closely involuntarily.

That's when you notice something is wrong.

His eyes are bright red with either tears or alcohol. He is actually shaking. The book you thought he was reading is upside down, as if grabbed quickly to pretend it was being used. He doesn't even have his glasses on. His eyes are wide and almost scared. "What's going on with you?" you ask, the innate concern for him too powerful to beat. "God, Shane." You stifle out, coming into the room further.

He parts his lips, his eyes over filling with tears. "I'm sorry." He chokes out, blinking away the wetness and rubbing his cheeks harshly. You come in closer, your heart breaking. You cannot stop yourself from putting a hand on his cheek to at least try to comfort him. He puts his own hand over yours, a sob escaping his throat, and he kneels up. "Mitchie." He cries, grabbing your arm lightly. You gasp as he pulls you into a tight hug. "God, I fucked up so badly. Now, they're…" he trails off, crying into your neck.

Your heart jumps. Is he apologizing to you about Claire? Or is he talking about something else?

Running your hands gently through his hair, you kiss his cheek. "Calm down, Shane." You coo him, but you have tears rushing to your eyes as well. It's so hard to stay angry with him, especially with him so vulnerable.

"I can't!" he yells, his eyes stormy. "I don't know how to. They would still be… I don't know how to take care of a kid, Mitchie. This isn't our job." He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes.

You frown and cross your arms, getting out of his embrace. "'They would still be…'? They who?"

"Oh, God." He mutters, crying harder before finally sitting back down. He cries hard into his knees, shaking with every tremor. You stare at him with wide eyes. This isn't the Shane you know. You cannot remember the last time he cried…

Well, actually, you can.

You put your hand to your chest, lightly tracing the circular metal underneath your shirt. "I need to take Jamie to school. He's about two hours late, but Caitlyn usually kept him there until four or five anyways. I'll be back, okay?" you say gently. Shane nods, still shaking. "We'll talk. You'll explain." You say, tightening your arms around yourself.

He lost his best friends too…except he also lost his baby brother.

When you turn around, Shane's hand darts out and grabs yours from leaving. You freeze, taking a step back and looking at him. His eyes are bright. "You'll listen?" he asks pointedly.

You look him in his cloudy eyes. You bite down on your lip before nodding. "I'll listen." You repeat and he sighs. He pulls your hand so that you come closer to him and goes on his knees again. You look at him with wide eyes and he puts a hand on your arm. Squeezing it, he pushes himself closer to you. He brushes his lips to yours and the second he does, you push him away and almost fly out of the room.

"_I know my brother." Nate said, frowning at you._

_You lauged humorlessly, wiping your tears angrily. "I saw them! Nate, I saw them with my damn eyes. They were in quite an embrace." You shouted, putting a hand to your throbbing head. Caitlyn sighed and looked at you sadly, before reaching over to hug you. You froze but let her touch you for a little bit before pulling away again. _

"_Shane says she kissed him. Have you even listened to him?" Nate argued and you flashed him a dirty look._

"_I don't want to. Why should I? That bastard is the one who was sleeping with her-"_

"_You know that for a fact?" Nate yelled, cutting you off. Caitlyn shot him a look but he ignored her. You scoffed and crossed your arms, raising your eyebrows furiously._

"_What? Are you fucking her too?" you snapped loudly and your two best friends look at you surprised and almost insulted._

"_Are you kidding me?" He dropped his mouth and you shrug, too proud to take it back. Nate laughs mirthlessly and shakes his head. "I know my brother, and my brother is in love with you - which gotta tell you, at this moment, I don't even understand why. Get out of my house. Come back when you're willing to be mature about this. Until then, leave. I don't even want to see you." he spits out, disgust in his voice._

"_Daddy?" Jamie came out of the other room. He was rubbing his eyes tiredly and Nate shot you another angry look before turning his back on you._

_You blinked a tear. "Fuck you." you muttered under your breath._

xxx

"Shane?" you enter the house - your old house - as quietly as possible. You do not want to scare him anymore. You have never seen him so frightened and emotional before. Angry, sure, but never to this point. You push open his door and peer inside. You notice he has his eyes closed on the bed. Pressing your lips together, you go onto your old bed, ignoring the memories. The last time you were on this bed, the last time you were even in this room was the night before Caitlyn's birthday party…

"_Is Claire going to be there?" _

_You looked at Shane for a second before smiling and nodding. "Yeah. Why?" you ask him but he doesn't answer you. Instead, he forces a tightlipped smile as a response. An old feeling goes through you but you shake it off. "You two have been getting close lately - which sucks because I would love to be trying to make a child with my -" he pushes you teasingly to stop your suggestiveness._

_You squeeze his thigh and he goes back to driving. The silence was a little rough for you. It had been months since the two of you had decided you wanted kids, and yet there had been no change. You were starting to get worried. _

"_She's quite a girl." Shane randomly says, his eyes going somewhere else for a second._

_You frown. "Yeah, she is."_

You wish you had never introduced them. You wish you had never met her. It would have made life so much easier.

You hesitantly brush Shane's hair from his forehead, jerking your fingers away when you feel heat. You furrow your eyebrows, noticing he is shivering and gripping the sheets violently. Frowning, you go to get off the bed in order to get a wet cloth or something, when you notice a deep red staining his tank top. Your eyes widen and you immediately go to touch the wetness.

When you pull your hand back, blood is on your fingers.

You put your hand back and gently pull back the shirt. He winces in his sleep as he trembles with fever. You gasp quietly at what you see. A thick cut starting from his upper back and extending to his lower stomach. There is some shoddy bandaging but an infection is growing. You can see the pus and the bright red skin around the deep gash. "What the hell did you do to yourself?" you blurt out under your breath before putting your hand to his forehead again.

You flinch at the extreme hotness and you grab your phone. You immediately dial 911. "Hello. How-" the operator starts but you cut her off.

"Yeah, hi. Um, I'm at my house and my…Shane has a huge cut on himself I don't even know how he got it. But it looks like the way he tried to cure it just ended up giving him an infection and it's swelling. He has a huge fever and he's bleeding profusely. Do I take him to the hospital?" you say, trying to stay calm. You put the sheets up against the cut, putting pressure on it to limit the bleeding.

At the same time, Shane manages to open his eyes.

xxx

"He needed stitches. He's fine now, but he will need to take this medicine ever day…" the doctor trails off, looking at you critically suddenly. "I'm sorry. How are you in relation to the patient?" he asks pointedly.

You roll your eyes. "I'm his wife." You provide, trying to get him to talk to you. "Is he going to be okay?" you ask quickly, looking at your watch. You still have about an hour before Jamie needs to be picked up. "What medicine does he have to take? How did he get this? When did he get this?" you question swiftly and the doctor gives you another look.

"You're his wife, and you don't know this?" he flicks his clipboard suspiciously.

You set your jaw. "I've been away for a while. Now, can you answer my questions?" you tell him in a harsh voice. "Because I need to pick up my godson in about an hour from school, so I would really appreciate it if you would just tell me what's going on." Putting your hands on your hips, you fix him with a strong glare.

The doctor sighs. "I do not know how he got this, but I would say he got the cut about a week ago. He has bruises all along his body. Maybe he got into a fight he didn't want you to know about or an accident or something. I do not know. All I know is that he has a huge gash he thought he could just wrap a bandage around with some Neosporin and it would be okay. Obviously, it's not. Fortunately, you found out soon enough that he doesn't have to have surgery or anything. Just pills." He shakes the bottle before giving it to you. "And for him to not do anything strenuous, understand? Keep him calm. No jumping, playing basketball, picking up that godson you mentioned. Just taking it easy."

You nod softly, your mind somewhere else. The doctor tells you to follow him to get to Shane's room, but you can hardly hear.

A week ago was Caitlyn and Nate's accident.

**XXX**

**Whoa, huh? What's all this about?! **

**Haha, any thoughts, ideas or conspiracies, put them in a review. I respond to everyone on my blog, even the ones that are simple. But! The longer ones or the ones that hit on what I want to be hit on, always get a little hint. So review! Tell me, do you still think Shane is innocent? Still think Mitchie should forgive him? Are they cut out to be parents? They totally forgot about school - I thought that was cute haha oh! Did you like the sexual tension? The rating will go up soon. **

**Next chapter at 98-ish. I know you guys are reading, so review! Please? **

**Oh, btw, just know finals are coming up and those are important, but hey, reviews encourage me. So the more reviews, dare I say more than what I'm asking, the quicker I post. Please review!**

**Love ya, Sandy**

**Also, as some of you know, my blog is amazing with this story. I put sneak peaks, review responses, lyrics and other stuff. Read? **

**Another also, thanks to Cate! You should all thank her haha, she's helped me a lot :D**


	4. Chapter 4

_"Turn off the lights and turn off the shyness__cause all of our moves make up for the silence__. __And oh, the way your makeup stains my pillowcase like I'll never be the same."__Of All The Gin Joints In All The World – Fall Out Boy_

_**Back At Your Door**_

_**Chapter Four**_

_When he is allowed back home again, he does not meet your eyes and his nostrils flare when he mumbles what apparently happened to him. Jamie gives him a confused look and he just smiles at him through the pain. "You remember my motorcycle, buddy? Yeah…don't ever fall off one of those." Shane winces dramatically, pretending to be in a lot of pain. You tense when you see an actual flash of pain go through his face but he wipes it away quickly as he attacks the unsuspecting child. "Plus, it's better to fly." He laughs as Jamie gasps loudly. You take a deep breath in when Shane brings Jamie up to his mid waist, allowing him to __fly__._

_"Shane!" you say sharply but Jamie's giggling swallows your words. _

_"Higher, Uncle Shay!" The little boy yells, laughing as Shane starts twirling him around. You feel your heart jump in your chest and you quicken your pace to reach them. Shane's smile flickers when you give him a strong look. "Hey, Mitchie." The boy waves, his eyes happy for the first time in a little over three days. You tear your eyes away from Shane and your heart melts at the little boy. "That's what Uncle Shay calls you, isn't it, Aunty? Mitchie!" he calls out loudly, holding out his hands to reach for yours. You take breath out slowly before grabbing Jamie._

_The little boy wraps his little arms around your neck tightly, his legs coming forward to wrap around your waist. You immediately put your arms around him. "Sorry, buddy. But Uncle Shay just got these nasty little stitches put on him and if he breaks them, he could get hurt. You don't want Shane hurt, do you?" you say, as your heart beats harshly in your chest. You feel so guilty as the little boy moves in your arms to look at you. _

_Caitlyn didn't like it when people held Jamie._

_"Okay." He says simply before hugging you and laying his head on your shoulder. He yawns and his fist tightens around your blouse. You freeze, as you just stare at this small child before glancing up to Shane. He has his hand lightly on his lower back in some pain, and once again, he does not meet your eyes. The little boy wiggles again in your arms and you hoist him up better. Jamie's eyes start to close and he snuggles into your neck. _

_You rub his back softly before turning around. For a second, you consider going straight to the car and just leaving Shane. A motorcycle accident? You really doubt it. It isn't like you want to blame him or even connect him to Caitlyn and Nate's accident, but you know when you are being lied to. More specifically, you know when he is lying._

_You always have._

_xx_

_"What are you doing?" you asked amusingly, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind. He jumped, a gasp immediately leaving his lips and he broke out of your embrace._

_You skipped backwards, surprised at how fast he separated from you. "H-hi." He stuttered, his eyes wide and with a hint of fear in them. "What are you doing here? I thought you were hanging out with Caity today? Why aren't you with her? Go be with her." He rambled, before coming forward and blocking the view behind him. _

_You frowned and raised an eyebrow. "Shane?" you say pointedly, and he gives you a weak smile. "What are you doing here?" _

_His eyes shift and he looks away from you. "Just looking for a bracelet to get my mom." His nostrils flare and he looks at your shoes, almost glaring. You do not answer him. You just stare at him, a shiver going through your body. He forces himself to look up and laugh."Funny that we ended up in the same store on the one day we were supposed to be apart; it isn't like Caitlyn was supposed to keep you away today or something. How about we go eat? I think I saw a Chile's at the mall's entrance." He says in one breath. You continue to just stare at him until he physically grabs your arm and makes you turn around. "Come on, Mitchie. Walk." He orders, his voice defeated._

"_Sir, I thought you wanted to look at our en-" A man calls out from behind you and Shane basically pushes you out the door of the little Tiffany and Co. shop in downtown Beverley Hills._

xx

It was not too surprising when he didn't end up buying his mother a bracelet. Shane never changes. Although, sometimes, he also gets sweaty palms. "Motorcycle accident, huh?" you say, when you are alone again. You had just tucked Jamie in the guest room's bed. You feel bad that the child had to sleep on the couch.

You see him wipe his hands on his jeans, trying to be inconspicuous but failing. He sighs. "Fine." He mutters. "It wasn't a motorcycle accident." He says, looking up sharply. His eyes are dark and stern when they meet yours. You open your mouth, coming closer to him. Your eyes flash with worry and curiosity and fear all at the same time. "Let it go, Mitchie." He says, cutting you off. His eyes stay on yours as you close your mouth. "It's nothing important, okay? I got into a fight with someone and it happened. Whatever. We have bigger things to worry about then the stupidity I bring on myself. Please let it go." His eyes never waver and you have to wonder if he finally got it that you can tell by his eyes if he is lying or not.

You gulp. "Fine." You say tensely, although you do not step away from him. "But you're okay? This person you got into a fight with? They will not attack you anymore or come after me or Jamie, will they?" you say, searching his eyes. A shroud of pain covers his eyes and he looks at you despondently. Then, you understand. "Nate." You whisper softly and he looks away. He closes his eyes, swallowing the bile that is coming up his throat. You feel tears come to your eyes.

xx

"_I'll get it, Mom." You said, quickly going down the stairs. When you opened the door, the bright sunlight blinded you for a second but the curls were the obvious clue as to who it was. "Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me!" you spat out the second you saw him. Your eyes flashed with anger and you crossed your arms. _

_He leans against the doorway, not meeting your eyes. "I came to apologize." He says calmly in the way only Nate Grey could. You flinch and lower your stance. You pause and sigh before stepping back._

"_Come in." you said, running a hand through your hair. _

"_Thank you." he nodded softly before stepping inside. You watch him as he takes off his blazer, folding it over his arm. "Can we talk?" he asked politely. You raised an eyebrow and he bit his lower lip. "I'm not going to yell at you anymore." he takes a deep breath. "I think…No, I…Look, I thought I knew my brother, but it turns out…I mean, I don't know, Mitchie." He doesn't say anything else and you just stare at him, tears gathering in your eyes as you try to stay strong. He sighs deeply. "I know he loves you. Maybe it was just a mistake, Mitchie. A onetime thing, you know? I mean, you two have been together since you were teenagers. Maybe…" but he trailed off, because even he knew that wasn't a good excuse._

"_So, it's okay to cheat on someone because they're the only person you have ever been with? What? He needs to experiment or something? Get with a couple more girls? Have a three-way? Fuck every girl he can find to prove something to a buddy? Please, Nate." You shake your head, wiping a tear that fell. Nate stays quiet, gulping somewhat. "We aren't in high school anymore. It isn't Joey boy screwing around Mary's back. It isn't even a long time boyfriend mess with another girl. Nate. I can't forgive him, especially if his excuse is that he hasn't been around the block enough. If that was the case, why did he even…?" you trailed off, trying to hold it together._

_Nate looked at you sadly. "Because he loves you. And I'm not saying he did, because God, I don't know who's telling the truth anymore, but maybe, just maybe, it was just a mistake."_

xx

"I don't want to talk about that." Shane says, his voice breaking a little. "Please." His eyes are brightening with tears. You nod sharply before taking a blind step backwards. He immediately shoots up, ignoring the pain from his back, to stop you. "Mitchie." Is all he says, and you blurt _it_ out.

"Did you cheat on me?" He blinks, taking a step back. His eyes widen and time almost stands still. He gulps, opening his mouth lightly. You don't even know why you asked, but at the same time, you think it's actually the first time you asked him it. You always just assumed. "Did you? Once and for all?"

His eyes soften and he comes forward. He puts his gentle hands on the side of your face, looking straight into your eyes. "I would never do something that would purposely hurt you. I love you from here to the stars. I want everything with you. I always have and I don't want to let you go, okay? I'm sorry for what happened. We both hurt each other. We didn't listen and all we did was hurt ourselves. Please believe that I would never hurt you." his voice is soft, calming.

You just stare into his soft brown eyes, your heart going a mile a minute. He brings his thumb to the side of your mouth, softly trailing the side of your lips. You lean into his touch, tears falling down your face before pulling away slightly. "I know you wouldn't, but that isn't what I asked…Was it a mistake, Shane? I mean, I saw you kiss her. I saw that Shane. At Caitlyn's birthday party. But even before that, for at least two months, I lost you. You wouldn't talk to me. You would barely come home sometimes, and you would spend your time out there on the balcony and you wouldn't even touch me. God, I would even understand if it's because you can have…because you could have kids with her or something. Just tell me. I'm tired of lies. I'm tired of hurting."

He is looking passed you, but he offers no further explanation.

"Did you sleep with her, Shane?" you ask in a different way, putting your soft hand on his scruffy chin. You make him look you in the eyes and he gulps again. You watch his Adam's apple bob slightly and he bites his lip. You feel your heart break again, and you sniff loudly. The pain is painted on your face and he scrunches his up as well. He grabs your hand to stop you from leaving his room.

"No. I wouldn't do that to you…I…was hurt though, Mitchie." You give him a confused look and he backtracks. "You left me, and when I went to talk to you in Texas, you slammed the door in my face. I was hurt. Did I cheat on you while you were away this summer? No. Did I cheat on you back in March? No. I don't even like her, Mitchie, but that doesn't mean I wasn't hurt and just wanted someone to at least pretend they cared." It doesn't really make sense to you what he is saying, but you know he is contradicting himself.

"So, you didn't, but you…wanted to?" you lower your eyebrows and he sighs. He runs a hand through his hair roughly.

"I didn't want to. I wanted you. I want you. But you don't get it, Mitchie. She knew things. She held stuff over my head." He takes a deep sigh, closing his eyes as you look to him confused. "Okay, I'll explain, but don't interrupt, because it does sound wrong but God, Mitchie, I do love you. Just know that." He says, ending fiercely.

You press your lips together. "Did you sleep with her, Shane?" you repeat and his shoulders sag.

"No. Just listen to me, okay? Please." He begs, tears in his eyes. "Please. Just let me tell you everything. I wanted to protect you. I told you she was…Please. Just listen." His fingers dig into your hips and his skin touches yours, and you are hit with a million memories.

xx

"_Don't stop." You gasped loudly, barely able to talk. Explosive - that was the only way you could describe what you were feeling. And electrifying. "Oh, God." _

_You were both rocking your hips so quickly against each others'. You can hardly even think as he sinks his teeth into your collarbone before kissing your neck frantically. "That's my girl. Come on, baby." He moans softly in your ear. It was so new, so weird. The nakedness and the vulnerability and the sweat and the nerves. Everything is so new. _

_And full. So full. Complete. And scared. "Shane!" you jerk forward, arching your back. The cold air hits your sweaty back as he links his arm around your back and connects your lips. He throws you over him, and suddenly you're on top. He quickly brings his body up to sit up, never disconnecting your kiss. His arms pull you close to his chest and you groan loudly as you start to ride him, purely on instinct. His hands go to your hips to help you, as his lips go everywhere at once. "Oh, God." You whimper, your head falling in the space between his shoulder and neck. _

_You freeze, jumping slightly when his fingers trail down your body to reach that spot. It doesn't take him long to get you there, and he's quick to follow. _

xx

"I don't know what it was about her. She is beautiful, sure, but that wasn't a factor. I just…she listened to me. I felt…I feel like such a failure. I couldn't even keep a record label afloat before it crashed down so badly. I know I told you that I was okay…but it hurt and I just…I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to disappoint you. Plus, we were trying for the kid and it was so hard and we were getting nowhere." He gulps, running his hand through his hair again. "She manipulated her way in. I let her. And then, she had things against me. She had secrets I've never told anyone but you. Like, the fact that I had that little stint with coke when I was seventeen? I told her that. She had me, Mitchie. I told her so many things, and I don't even know why. It was just nice to talk to someone who had no idea about who I was, who wouldn't have an opinion because she wasn't there."

"That's why you get a shrink, Shane. You don't turn to the leggy blonde across the street from your brother's house." You drop your face in your hands.

He sighs. "I don't know. You wanted me to be her friend, and then, I just wanted a friend. I only have you three…which I guess now I only have you. I just wanted someone else, but she saw an opportunity and she took it. There's a train of guys getting on magazines for fucking up and all along she just wanted me on the next cover in order to get a huge payroll. She took advantage of me, of you, and I shouldn't have let it happen, but I did. I didn't know how to get her away, and she wanted money from me or she would spill and I didn't know how to tell you. I felt so stupid and it felt wrong and I felt horrible."

You nod, looking at him slightly. He takes a deep breath.

"So, I shut you out because I didn't want to admit to anyone, much less you, that some little bitch was going to ruin our careers. In hindsight, I should have just done it. But I was scared and you were so excited and then you were in so much pain. I did not want to cause more. So, we're at the party, and the only reason I've been hanging out with her at that point was to make sure she wouldn't tell you, and just as I see you come in, she pulls me to her. God, I can still taste that disgusting watermelon lip gloss on my lips. I didn't want to kiss her, Mitchie. I promise." He looks you, his eyes sad.

You look away for a while. Neither of you say a word, and eventually you sit down on the bed. He follows suit, before hesitantly brushing a strand of hair back behind your ear. You lean into his touch and he brushes a tear away. "So, now what?" he asks, his voice hoarse. "You believe, don't you? Please believe me." His voice is desperate again.

You search his eyes. He looks sincere. "Okay." You finally whisper and his shoulders relax.

"Thank you. I love you. I wouldn't sleep with her. Not her…it's just you." he comes forward and goes to kiss you, but you pull away.

It hurts you, but you do it anyways.

"I don't know if I forgive you yet. I mean, I guess I do, but I guess…where does this leave us? Huh? Back to being super couple? I go back to your side on the bed and sleep with you and be your wife? I don't know if I can do that, Shane. You still lied to me and you kept things from me and you hurt me. You really hurt me.…but I know it's my fault too…I'm sorry I didn't talk to you. I was so angry and I just wanted to escape, but all I did was push everyone away. So, I admit I was wrong, but I can't just go back to normal, Shane." You choke out. "I don't know how to anymore."

Shane sighs. "We'll get there, Mitchie. The thing is I'm not just gonna let you go again. I refuse to. I want you. I want us."

Xx

The next morning, you wake up Jamie with a small tickle attack. You do want him to be happy. If anything, and this maybe a little selfish, but you want him to be happy because you cannot handle him sad. You don't know how to help a depressed three year old. "Stop it." he giggles and you lightly slap his butt.

"Come on. I made breakfast." You tell him with a smile. He laughs and his eyes look so clear that it makes you warm inside.

That's when you take a deep breath. A deep breath.

When you let it out again, Jamie is looking at you curiously. "Are you okay, Mitchie?" he giggles at the name, still taking advantage that no one is correcting him. You bite your bottom lip and pull his feet so that he comes closer to you, before tickling his sides again. "No! Stop it! Stop it!" he laughs loudly, squirming under your touch. He eventually escapes and manages to run out of the room.

You take another breath before closing your eyes.

When you open them again, you have a small smile on. You are tired of being sad, and you are ready to move on. It helps that you are starting to believe Shane. Yes, it's still a little weird, but you are remembering how much he loves you again and that makes a difference. You hesitate at the doorway when you see Jamie and a tired looking Shane conversing. You still do not know if you can trust Shane - at least not with your heart or body, but that needs to be put in the backburner. You and Shane have to at least kind of work together for Jamie.

"Hey." Shane says softly, walking towards you as Jamie goes excitedly to the bathroom to wash his hands. You give him a small smile again and Shane gives you one back. "So, how are you?" he asks, clearing his throat slightly. You shrug your shoulders, finally exiting Jamie's room and going more towards the living room.

"Sleepy. Scared." You say vaguely before laying down on the couch. You blow your bangs up in the air as Shane furrows his eyebrows. He comes over to you and you raise an eyebrow as you see him think something over quickly. Suddenly, he goes forward, lifting your legs gently. You freeze as he pushes them up and sits down on the couch and then lets them fall on his lap. He puts his hands lightly on your thigh before squeezing your knee.

"Why are you scared?" he asks, tilting his head to look you in your eyes. You press your lips together as you mind screams at you to tell him to stop it. He could hurt you again; he could hurt you even worse. Stop him, it yells. He can see the hesitance in your eyes and he frowns. He moves forward and brushes your hair behind your ear. "Come on, Mitchie. Talk to me. We can at least be friends, can't we?" he asks, his eyebrows lowering.

Your eyes soften and you bite your bottom lip. "I don't know if I can move into Nate and Caitlyn's house. I'm scared." You admit, and he sighs softly, looking for a solution but knowing there isn't one.

"I don't think you can get out of it. Unless we just totally disregard Jamie and keep him here. Go grab his stuff or whatever." He says, his fingers making patterns on your knee. You shiver but do not stop him. You can feel your reluctance wavering, but you can still hear your heart telling you to kick him off. He's only going to hurt you again.

"We would be class A assholes if we do that, Shane." You say with a frown. "The kid just lost his parents and now is going to lose the only home he has ever known? Plus, me and him cannot keep alternating on the couch." You remind him and Shane squeezes your knee again before letting his fingers softly travel up your inner thigh. "Shane." You mutter, knocking his hand away with your own.

Frowning, he slips his hand back to your knee and then off completely. "Sorry." He mumbles just as Jamie comes back into the room. "Hey, bud." Shane says, putting on a smile. Jamie giggles at your position. "Hey, buddy, you want to hear some music?" he smirks before bringing his hands to your flat stomach and lightly tapping on it repeatedly.

Jamie laughs and you whimper. "Like drums!" the boy says, coming forward as Shane stopped.

"Exactly…although you know what would be more fun?" Shane says, the same smirk on his lips. You freeze when you feel Shane's fingers itch under your shirt and then go to your sides. "I heard you screaming for mercy before. Want to make Mitchie beg?" he taunts and you roll your eyes, trying to pretend you're still in control. You go to push Shane's hands away but Jamie already got the hint. You whimper again as Shane starts tickling you and Jamie laughs and joins him. You squirm as the little boy tries to tickle you but really just pokes you repeatedly.

You can feel shivers go up and down your body, and you realize Shane is hardly even tickling you. He is just trying to touch as much of you as possible. You take a deep breath, trying to still laugh for Jamie's sake, as Shane pushes your shirt up more. "Okay, stop!" you say, pushing Shane's hands down but he's too strong. You look up to make him stop his and Jamie's attack on you, but Shane's eyes are completely clouded. His eyes are wide and you can tell the memories are coming at him so quickly.

Jamie laughs again and stops poking you. "Okay. Can we have breakfast now?" he asks, losing interest fast as he runs to the kitchen. Shane lets go of you, and you practically push him off. You don't even realize how hard you are breathing until you are walking to the kitchen. Right before you get inside, Shane grabs your wrist and pulls you backwards. You grunt softly as your back hits his strong, hard chest.

"Tell me you don't feel that." His voice is hoarse. You shiver and gulp softly. "God, don't you miss me? Like, on a different level? On _our_ level? I miss touching you." he mutters, his hands running up and down your sides slowly. "I miss being with you. Making love to you. Being on top of you. Screaming into a pillow. Don't you miss that? I miss that. God, I miss that." His breathing hard as well.

You can feel him getting hard against your lower back. You shake your head and push him away, shaking roughly. "Stop it." you croak out, your cheeks pink. "Stop, okay? I told you that I won't just jump into bed with you again, Shane. So, just stop. Just…" you trail off and close your eyes, leaning against the wall.

"I'm sorry." He says, his eyes softening. He moves close to you again however. He cups your face and leans his forehead against yours. "I just miss you, and with you so close to me, I just want us to go back to normal." He comes close to you, putting his lips to your ear. You take a ragged breath. You hate that he can do this to you. "I love that we would always wake up at like three am just to get each other off. I love that in the mornings you would let me take you in the shower. I miss that, Mitchie. And I want you." he whispers the last part, lightly nipping your ear.

"Mitchie? Uncle Shay?" Jamie calls out, confused from the kitchen. You both jump and separate slightly. You can see Shane is coming back to the surface as he blinks away the passion slowly. You clear your throat and he takes a step back.

"Wow. I'm sorry." He says, clearing his throat as his cheek slightly reddening. "I just…every time I'm near you…" he trails off, and he looks away. "I just miss you." he repeats, before stepping away from you.

Xx

The problem with him - or at least the problem you have with him - is that he truly is a good looking man. From his very beautiful green-ish eyes to his strong chest, he is just attractive. The other problem with you two is that you've always been super sexual with each other. At first, it was difficult to break the ice and be completely free, but after a couple months or so, you found your rhythm. You wanted to learn everything about each other, and much more than that, you wanted to never stop. Maybe it was just the newlywed's stage, but you just never wanted to let go.

You understand why it is so difficult for him to stay away from you. It's the same reason for you. The only difference is that he doesn't have his heart and mind yelling at him with every touch. You want to believe all he did was kiss her, and more than that, that she kissed him. You want to believe in his innocence, but you also don't want to be fooled again.

"So, maybe I could move in with you guys. That way I'll be there to help with Jamie and you won't be alone in their house." He tells you later. You bite your lip but do not answer. "Do want a shot?" he changes the subject. You look at him and hesitate before nodding.

You and Shane had sent Jamie to school after breakfast and then went your separate ways. You went to Tess's house, because really, who else can you go to anymore? Your two best friends are dead. You really have no idea where Shane went, but he stayed gone way into the night. You were tucking Jamie in when Shane arrived. He gave you a small nod before slipping outside to the balcony. After a while, you made up your mind and followed him.

You didn't notice the liquor bottle until he held it up in the air. "For Caity and Nate." He says, after he poured your shot. You raise the glass and clink it with his, before shooting down your throat. You immediately cough and he pats your back, laughing slightly. "So what did you do all day?" he asks, sitting across from you on the floor.

"Visited Tess. You?" you answer, raising an eyebrow. He shrugged, tilting the glass into his mouth again.

"Went to see my mom. She's still out of it." he says, frowning slightly. You close your eyes. "I'm sorry about earlier." He whispers. You shrug, feeling hot in the humid Californian air. You thrust your glass out and he pours some more. You drown it as well. This goes on for a little while - shot after shot of liquor. "You get it, don't you? It was always like, no matter what, even if the world was burning outside, we always had that. We were always good at that. At getting lost within ourselves. Do you remember that time when we went to the Bahamas?" he says, laughing a little.

You smile, the tequila already getting to. "I don't think we saw the water once."

He pauses before getting on his knees. He puts his hands on your outer thighs. "You remember our honeymoon? The night we first gave ourselves to each other? I didn't ever think anything could be as amazing as being inside of you." his voice was slurring a little as well.

"Shane." You moan, squeezing shut your already closed eyes. You can feel your heart and mind yelling at you, but the liquor is shutting them up. He's your husband; technically, you're allowed to have these feelings about him.

"Come on, Mitchie. We're amazing." He says, pushing himself up. You can feel his warm body slide on top of you and you finally open your eyes. He looks incredible. His eyes are dark and smoky, and the black shirt on him makes his muscles bulged. "You're amazing. I don't know why I didn't come to you. You're everything." He whispers, his breath hot.

Your fingers squeeze his sides as he finally reaches your lips.

The kiss is everything you have wanted for a long time. You almost start crying as his tongue slips into your mouth. You have missed his taste. He kisses you roughly but yet treats you gently. He makes sure your head is comfortable before pulling himself more on you. "Baby." He groans, his fingers pressing into your inner thighs. The moment his hand cups you, you cannot help the tears. "Hey, hey." He says, his eyes confused and concerned. He kisses your forehead. "I'm sorry. I didn't…I shouldn't have done that." He says as you cry harder and harder.

He holds you tight against his body. Your senses are on overload. His smell is so good and his body feels so nice and warm and hard.

It feels like you are about to explode and he's the one setting up the bomb.

**XXX**

**Wow. I'm so sorry! That chapter was so overdue. I've just been struggling with finals. Tomorrow for example, I have an exam at 8am on math. I haven't even had time to study!**

**I'm so stressed right now. But thankfully, I get out on Friday. Actually, this Thursday is Taylor Swift Concert Day so YES! And then Friday is my not so PG party with my best friend haha. Let off steam. Don't recommend to the young kids, however.**

**So, story! ahh they're married. No one got that haha. Everyone's like they are engaged or promise ring. Only one or two people got it right. They were trying to have kids! Haha that's a clue…but then again, I could see how you would think they were just together since she still has her maiden name. Remember, though I haven't mentioned it much, she is famous too. She kept her stage name. But tell me what you think! Tell me do you think they can keep their hands off each other? Tell me what you want to see in the story as well.**

**Again, sorry for the lateness. And I haven't finished responding to reviews, but I will before Sunday! Promise.**

**Next chapter at 140! Thanks XD**

**Btw, do you like that's coming out to be more M?**


	5. Chapter 5

"_I wanna, I wanna, I wanna touch you__. __You wanna touch me too__. __Everyday but all I have is time__. __Our loves the perfect crime." I Wanna - All American Rejects_

**Back At Your Door**

**Chapter Five**

"So, we're going home today?" Jamie asks from the backseat. You take a deep breath and tighten your arms around yourself.

"Yeah, bud. We're going to go back to your house. Do you miss your bed?" Shane says, his hands squeezing the steering wheel. Jamie smiles, a small sigh of relief escaping his lips.

"Yes!" he blurts out before giggling. "So, is Aunt Mitchie staying with us, Uncle Shay?" he asks, biting his lower lip. "I want her to." He admits with wide innocent eyes. You look behind at him, confusion painted in your face. Shane frowns and looks at you for a second before looking at the road again.

"Of course I am, sweetie. Uncle Shay will stay with us for a week or so, until me and you are settled, okay?" you tell him, crossing your arms in front of your chest. Shane gives you another look before focusing on turning.

Jaime frowns. "Just a week?"

You freeze before clearing your throat. "Shane has his own house, honey. But we'll see how it plays out." You tell him when his frown gets deeper. At your last words, the little boy smiles again. "But anyways, we're almost there. Just ten more minutes and then we're back to your home." You tell him with a final smile before turning back to the front.

Shane runs a hand through his hair. "We should go out tonight. The three of us. Go to dinner and find a movie for the little guy." He tells you before looking in the mirror for a second. "How about it, James? Dinner and a movie?" Jamie's eyes light up and he nods furiously. You grin at the little boy again, and Shane takes his hand off the wheel for two seconds to reach behind him and try to tickle Jamie.

The boy laughs before pushing his hand away. "Stop! I don't want the car to go boom again! You have to look at road or you'll do it again!" He says between giggles. Shane freezes and he gives the boy a weird look before pulling his hand back. You sit up straighter, looking at Jamie with wide eyes, but the boy is still giggling.

You look at Shane. "The car go boom? Does he mean an accident? _The_ accident?" you ask pointedly. "Again?" you add when Shane doesn't respond. You feel your heart speed up. What the hell is Jamie talking about? Is he insinuating that Shane was driving the car…?

He looks straight ahead, his fingers tight against the wheel. "I don't know what he means." He says tensely, before shrugging. "Maybe he means I'll press the horn by mistake." He suggests with another shrug. You narrow your eyes and raise an eyebrow, before looking back at Jamie.

"Make the car go boom?" you ask and Shane takes a deep intake of breath.

Jamie looks up, furrowing his eyebrows. His expression changes in an instant. "I don't like it when the car goes boom." He says and you realize memories are flashing in his eyes. You open your mouth to ask more, but Jamie starts to turn red. Your eyes bulge and you look at him with concern as the little boy starts to cry. He scrunches up his little nose and starts to sob. "That last time it went boom, Mommy and Daddy went away."

"Whoa, whoa. Baby it's fine. Shane is a good driver." You comfort him, suddenly feeling like an ass for even saying anything. You turn back to Shane but his eyes are focused on the road.

Xx

"_Have you been drinking?" you say softly. Shane looks up surprised and leans against the wall. He doesn't answer you. You turn away from him, still seated at the table. You look at the dinner you prepared hours ago before looking at him again. He goes over to the couch and slumps on it. "We were supposed to have dinner." You remind him, still in the low voice._

_He looks up, his blood red eyes out of focus. "I got caught up." He says simply, his voice hoarse._

_You press your lips together before standing up. "I'm going to the doctor's tomorrow. To see if something is wrong or something since we haven't been able to…" you trail off, but he understands. He scoffs, pain reflected in his tone. You turn around slowly, looking at him to say whatever he wants to say._

_He just starts to laugh. "Have you ever done something you knew you shouldn't have?" he shakes his head. "Actually more like, have you ever done something you knew you had to but also knew it would only yield bad results?" he gets up, stumbling slightly before knocking over a picture of you two to the ground violently. You jump, staring at him with wide eyes. "Fuck, Mitchie. Just…I can't do this anymore." he mumbles before leaving you._

_You watch him leave, obviously hurt. "You can't do what? Us?" you call after him, but he doesn't hear you. Just as you move to go after him, the phone starts ringing. You hesitate but take a deep breath and answer it. "Hello?" the annoyance is clear in your voice even though you're trying to hide it._

"_Oh." The feminine voice surprises you. "Sorry, Mitchie. It's Claire. I just wanted to see if Shane made it home safely. We were at this club and he drank a little too much." She says, concern in her voice. _

_You freeze. _

_He was at a club?_

Xx

"We're here."Shane says gently. The little boy has already stopped crying but in any case, neither you nor he wants to make him start again. When you get out of the car, you let Shane take Jamie out of the car seat as you just look around. You look at Caitlyn and Nate's perfect house, remembering memory after memory. The barbeques. The parties. The laughter. And later on, the crying.

Turning your head to the left, your eyes meet a little pink house. Jamie gets out of the car slowly before looking up to his house with sad eyes. Suddenly, he is sprinting towards the front door. You, on the other hand, cannot keep your eyes off of that pink house. "Mitchie?" Shane nudges your arm before turning his head to look at what you are staring at. "Jeeze, Mitch." He groans. "Please, let it go." He puts his hand gently on your lower back.

You sigh and turn back to him. "It's just hard. It really hurt me." You say honestly. He frowns and moves forward, before putting his hands tenderly on your cheeks.

"I'm sorry." He whispers before leaning in and putting his forehead against yours. You close your eyes, breathing in his familiar smell. He takes the last step and lightly brushes his lips against yours. "Let's go inside." He mumbles, reaching down and grabbing your hand in his.

You nod and try to smile. Jamie stares at you two curiously.

Xx

"_Hey, Caity!" you smiled brightly, making her jump a little. She rolls her eyes at you and goes back to wiping the chocolate smears on her little son's face. You wrinkled your nose at him and he smiled as you bent down and flicked his nose. Caitlyn gave you a stern look and you gave her an innocent glance._

"_Mitchie! Don't feed my child more sugar!" she scolded you, but you still gave Jamie a lollipop. The little boy took off running before his mother could stop him and Caitlyn put her hands on her hips. "Didn't you just hear me?" she said pointedly. You shrugged nonchalantly._

"_Hey!" you pretended to be insulted. "I'm the cool aunt. What am I for, if not to feed him unnecessary candy? Plus, I do think it's about time he gets a cavity." You teased, pushing your best friend's shoulder. She huffed but eventually smiled. "Remember when we were in Camp Rock and no one would get us candy even though we were dying, until Shane's uncle got us some? Uncles and aunts are needed for that kinda thing." You reminded her, hooking your arm with hers. She sighed dramatically before rolling her eyes again. You look away from her as you guys walked towards her front door. "Hey, is someone moving in next door?" you asked, nodding over to the moving vans._

_Caitlyn looked over and opened her mouth as if she had just remembered something. "Right! You haven't met Claire yet. Oh, man. She's like a knock out. Sweet little blonde thing with the biggest green eyes and nice body. I need to make sure Nate stays far away from that one." She elbowed you and you laughed. Back then, you knew Nate would never do something like that. You thought the same about Shane. "Hey, I was going to be a good neighbor and bring her some food. She looks like she's been living off Ramen Noodles and water." She laughs. "Typical college student, I guess." _

_You smiled. "Sure, why not." Caitlyn smiled as the both of you entered your best friends' house. _

Xx

Stepping into the quiet house makes your heart stop for a little bit. You take a deep breath just as Jamie starts running to his room. Shane closes the door behind you, putting his hands on your shoulders. He squeezes them lightly before pulling you back towards him. "We need to talk about what's going to happen between us. I'm tired of it just hanging up in the air." He whispers in your ear.

You nod, swallowing softly. You walk ahead of him, going to Jamie's bedroom. The little boy is playing with his action figures and making a mess of his bed. Shane puts his fingers on your side and you close your eyes. He kisses your shoulder, lazily running his fingertips up and down your waist. He runs his lips up to your neck and takes a deep breath of your scent. "God, I've missed you." he whispers.

"My parents used to do that." Jamie calls out from the bedroom. He is staring at you, his soldier still in his hands. "They said that only people that love each other can do that. Do you love each other?" he asks, his sweet eyes curious. You part your lips and Shane tenses before relaxing. He wraps his arms around your middle.

"I love her with all my heart, buddy." Shane answers, kissing the side of your face. You smile, a little embarrassingly, but don't answer the boy. Jamie frowns.

"Then why did you kiss Claire?" he asks innocently. You frown, your heart beating fast again. Tensing in Shane's arms, you look away. Shane takes a deep sigh and hugs you tighter to his chest. You can feel tears go up to your eyes.

"Stop. Please. What happened is in the past. You need to forgive me." Shane mutters softly into your ear. Then, he looks at Jamie, wondering how to respond to him. "Bud, there were certain things that happened around the beginning of the summer that I'm really regretful for. I messed up, James. And I thought I could change that if I listened to what she was saying…Claire." he adds at the confusion in Jamie's face. "I don't love her. I didn't love her. Sometimes, we make mistakes and we confused who we love and who we don't because it's easier than…" he stops, takes a deep breath and continues. "I hurt Aunt Mitchie. A lot. And I shouldn't have, but I love her and she's my wife."

"Okay." Jamie says, shrugging his shoulder. "Well, Claire was nice. Daddy and her got into a huge fight once though." You want him to elaborate and almost ask him, but Shane squeezes your hand.

"We should go talk now?" he looks at you before pulling you out of Jamie's room. "We'll be in the living room, bud." Shane calls over his shoulder.

Xx

"_Hey, Nate! Are you with Jamie?" she called out and Nate grunted a yes. You laughed. Both Shane and Nate had planned to go fishing the day before, and instead of having a nice evening out, some girls decided to chase them around for a while. "You okay? Or do your legs still hurt?" Caitlyn sniggered and you laughed. Shane was fine after running almost half a mile before their security caught up with them. He actually thought it was funny. Nate, on the other hand, prefers to not be chased and also not to run. Shane had been teasing him all day. _

"_I'm fine, jerk. I'm with my son who obviously loves me more than you." he called back sarcastically. Caitlyn dismissed him and waved for you to follow her back outside, now equipped with some food she had made earlier. The two of you walked briskly out to the pink house that belonged to Claire. _

"_So, have you met her?" you asked, fixing your purse on your shoulder. Caitlyn shrugged._

"_I saw her from afar and then met her for two seconds one night, but she seemed awesome. Fresh out of college kinda girl who liked to surf in her free time." Caitlyn laughed. "She has the most perfect tan. I'm jealous." _

_You smirk. "You didn't poison this food or something, did you? To make sure she stays away from Nate?" You mocked and Caitlyn laughed and rolled her eyes. When you got to Claire's door, you knocked since your hands were not filled. It took Claire about twenty seconds to grab the door and when she saw you, her eyes widened. She stared at you for a couple seconds, astonished. Finally, she tore her eyes off you and went to Caitlyn, looking at her with a warm smile._

_You didn't think anything of it._

xx

"So, let's talk. What's this fight Jamie is talking about with Claire? How does he know you two kissed? What did he mean earlier in the car?" you ask quickly, crossing your arms. Shane goes to sit on the couch before looking at you.

He completely ignores all your questions and asks one of his own. "Are we getting a divorce?" he asks, his eyes focused on you. You gasp softly and your eyes widen. Standings still, you forget about everything else and just look at Shane. Opening and closing your mouth a couple times, you realize you don't know how to answer him. "Are we? Because I don't want one, and I think we need to start over."

You take a deep breath and go over to the couch. You sit across from him. "Start over how?" you ask, clearing your throat.

Shane shrugs. "Talk to each other. Go back to normal. Be husband and wife again. All that."

"And you think that's going to happen just by saying it?" you counteract. Shane frowns.

"No. I know we're going to need some work." He says, swallowing. Biting his lip, he comes closer to you. He puts his hands on your cheeks before leaning in to kiss you again. You press your lips against his, almost involuntarily. He has always been completely intoxicating to you. You have never been able to say no for too long.

But…

You feel weird. The other day, last night…you are going too fast and you don't know whether or not to believe him, but at the same time, you miss him. You just…miss him. So much. "I'm sorry." You say, not even realizing that tears are falling down your face. "I can't do this, Shane. I already told you." you push him away, putting your hands through your hair.

Shane sighs. "I'm sorry." He repeats again, but he doesn't stop. He moves with you, moves his upper body on top of yours. He kisses you again. "I'm so sorry." He keeps saying, kissing you over and over again. You moan softly and push him away again, before standing up abruptly. He groans and closes his eyes.

You put your arms tightly around your chest and sit down on the other sofa. "I missed you, Shane. I did. And I still do. But I'm scared." You admit, looking at the floor. "I don't want to be left alone again. I don't want to be waiting for you to come to dinner. I don't want to be afraid of you sleeping with another girl."

He takes a deep breath, looking at you with sad eyes. "Baby, I won't ever put you through that again. I promise you with all my heart." He whispers, swallowing softly. "It's hard not touching you." he confesses and you frown. "It's hard not kissing you when I want to." He continues.

You look up. "I don't know if I'm ready to jump into our relationship again." Your voice cracks. Shane's eyes get desperate and he looks at you sadly.

"Come on, baby. What I did in the past is in the past. Please." He begs, hurt in his eyes. "I miss you." he says, echoing your words from earlier. You take a deep breath and go to answer him when the doorbell rings. You both look at the door confused but eventually, you push yourself up off the sofa.

Wiping your eyes, you go straight to the door just as the person rings the doorbell again.

Xx

"_What's wrong?" Shane asks, looking at you. You don't turn to him, but instead, continue staring out to the horizon from the balcony. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I lost track of time and I drank too much." He says, sitting on the chair next to you. You shrug_, _your lips pressed together. "Did you go to the doctor's?" he changes the subject._

_You nod. "I can't…he said that…I was pregnant, Shane. The blood that I told you about…the things that came out of me…_ _I had a miscarriage. That's twice now." You could hardly even speak. Shane's eyes widen and then, the heartbreak is clear on his face. You sniffed loudly, holding yourself together by a thread._

_Shane falls against the chair in stunned silence. You started to sob again and Shane looked at you, as if he just remembered you were there again. Suddenly, you feel climb on top of you, pulling to him. His lips are on yours, moving quickly. Tears spill down both your cheeks as you melt into one._

Xx

When you open the door, your eyes widen with immediate anger. "You have some guts to come here." You say, between gritted teeth.

Her green eyes flash with amusement. "Oh, scary." She mocks, biting her lip teasingly. Your eyes burn with intensity and you step forward.

"Mitchie?" Shane calls from his seat on the couch. He comes to the door and she smiles. He takes a deep intake of breath. "Claire." He mutters, his breath coming out harshly.

She crosses her arms. "Hey lover." She smirks, looking at him with secret eyes. "I was wondering when you guys would come back. I was lonely." She says, laughing slightly under her breath. Her long blonde hair flies in the wind and Shane takes another deep breath. He glares at her angrily.

"Claire, leave." He says, menacingly. She scoffs and rolls her eyes before putting her hands on her stomach. Pouting mockingly, she turns to Shane.

"But I got some news, darling. Don't you want to hear it?"

**XXX**

**So before I start, sorry about the formatting on last chapter. Its FF, not me. Grr. Anyways, there are only going to be about five chapters left. This will be a short story. That said, I already have another story and the link is **s / 599 3506 / 1** (no spaces). It's called **_**Runaway Found**_** and it takes place at Camp Rock (weird for me, huh haha). All of your reviews have been responded to and can be seen at my blog (link on my profile). **

**But review! Sorry, I've been out of it lately haha. But I have all the plans done and all I have to do is write it. the next chapter will be up at 180. So, tell me what you think about Shane now. Also, what you think claire's news is. Tell me whether you think Mitchie is right in pushing him away and what Jamie meant in the car.**

**Love you guys so much. Thanks for being so patient with me!**

**Sandy :D**


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